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24 important things I learned from 24. (SPOILERS GALORE FROM SEASON 1-5)

I used to make fun of people for watching 24, but now that I am catching up on it, I realize that it kicks butt. So now, here is my list of 24 things to take away from this series, that I learned from watching seasons 1-5. (BTW, if anyone comments on this, please do not ruin season 6 for me or I will cry.)

1. The terror alert level should always be red.
No matter where they come from or what their preferred method of killing us all might be, terrorists are hatching their plots every day. That's why CTU is so important. Because no matter what time of day it is, there's someone out there actively hating our freedom.

2. You probably know a terrorist.
It might be your coworker, your lover, your neighbor...Maybe even someone in the White House. Regardless, I would remember that the only people you can trust are those who work for government agencies. Well...some of them anyway.

3. A lot can happen in one day.

For instance, you can watch 24 episodes of 24 and still have a little time to go to the restroom and sleep. Oh, and also Jack Bauer can save us all.

4. Being the President is hard.
There are lots of life or death decisions to be made, and they must be made NOW. The problem is that even after you make your decision, a rogue agent may disobey your order. Also, chances are that your wife is crazy and someone is trying to kill you. Now do you know why Bush runs to Crawford so much?

5. Most terrorists are foreign.

I'M SORRY!!!! That's just what I learned. On 24, I would say about 75% of terrorists are from a foreign country. The good news is that many of them are not Middle Eastern, so that's totally not racist. ...Let's do the next one before I get more uncomfortable.

6. The President spends most of his time in Los Angeles.

And so do the terrorists. Screw Washington D.C., if you really want to be where all the action is, go to L.A.

7. If your job is to save the world, you probably have a lot of personal problems.

Forget about time to raise a family, care about a relationship, or take care of yourself. If you work at CTU, you might as well expect not to have a very good personal life. So you never got to tell your son that you loved him. So what? There are terrorists out there. Get to work.

8. If you need info, try torture.

What do you need? Never mind, doesn't matter. The answer is torture. About 99% of the people interrogated on the show tell CTU what they need to know.

9. If torture doesn't work, make a deal.

Do not negotiate, shmu not negotiate. We need results. The word "immunity" can conjure up a lot of information from terrorists, so why not play ball?

10. Fighting terror makes you cranky.

The people at CTU are not very nice people, generally. The only really nice ones generally have very bad things happen to them and their families. But it's okay. They don't work in retail, they fight terror.

This is probably the most important of all the things I've learned. Bombs, bullets, nerve gas, Heroin, you name it, it can't kill Jack Bauer. Can't blame them for trying. It makes you wonder why everyone on the show doesn't just follow Jack around constantly. I think as long as you're 20 ft or less away from him, then you are also untouchable.

12. Jack Bauer is above the law.
This one is also important. Bauer constantly violates the orders of CTU and the President, but it doesn't matter because they need him to save America. If you want to avoid getting arrested, take a lesson from Jack and make yourself indispensible.

13. If you are friends with Jack Bauer, prepare to get your life messed up.
Jack Bauer may seem like a cool person to know, but he's not. If you stand up for him or love him, you or your loved ones could end up dead. He may also end up torturing you for some reason. Try to stay as far away from him emotionally as possible. Even his own daughter knows that.

14. Everyone has feelings!! *tear*
It's not easy being Jack. He doesn't have any time for the important things in life, like love or friendship. As the series unfolds, we see that the poor agents at CTU are not made of stone, and that even Bauer cries. ...Yes, you heard me.

15. No one at CTU ever eats.

I know that this is a symptom of most TV shows, but come on! We watch them for 24 hours straight (the show is in real time) and they never stop to eat. I seem to remember Jack drinking some water in S1 and seeing some coffee at CTU, but that's IT! Order some Freedom Fries or something!

16. Don't get involved with someone from work.

It's not a good idea in real life, and it's not a good idea at CTU. Bad things will happen.

17. People with their own agenda don't really care about America.

No matter how many times they tell you that they're patriots for doing so, helping terrorists is not some crazy backhanded scheme to help America. No matter what you tell him, Jack will still torture you.

18. If you can't run fast enough to get out of harm's way, you will die.

Don't get me wrong. Edgar was one of my favorite characters of S4 and 5, and I have nothing against overweight people. But he's a great example of this rule. So is his mother, for that matter.

19. The American people are incredibly stupid.

If a bunch of people died in a mall, would you really believe that a poisonous gas was accidentally released into the vents? Things are always happening in the series that they come up with a "cover story" for, and we Americans just eat that up and stop asking questions. It's probably the fault of this next one...

20. Everyone important ONLY watches Fox News.

(Note: This is a REAL Fox News logo)
If you watch carefully, the one and only news channel featured in episodes of 24 is Fox News. The President watches it, civilians watch it, and they watch it at CTU.

21. CTU needs to rethink its hiring procedures.
With all the moles, incompetent people, and downright fools who've worked for CTU over the first 5 seasons, you'd think that someone would do something. I would suggest background checks, and drug testing. (Sorry, Jack.)

22. You have liscence to do almost anything as long as you have a badge and you yell a lot.
Jack Bauer has gotten away with rediculous things just by prefacing them with: "My name is Jack Bauer, I'm a federal agent. I need to (insert name of crazy thing) NOW!!!!"

23. No one person's life is as important as the lives of the American people.
To a federal agent, this rule should be clear. coughTONYcough

24. Explosions and gunplay are AWESOME.
Just thought you should know that.


Allison said...

funny...and very true :)

Dale said...

I've only watched 24 once, but it was one of those 24 hour 24 marathons, so I saw the whole season, whichever one it was.

One thing I learned was that bringing someone's head in a box is a good way to gain the trust of terrorists. Probably has to be the right person's head, though.