An open letter to MTV about their remake of Rocky Horror

Dear MTV,

You probably don't remember me, because we haven't talked since the mid-90's. The thing is, you've managed to piss me off even more than usual this time, so I thought we should have a little talk.

Today I read AGAIN that you will be remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was hoping in vain that this little rumor would disappear, but here it is again. Sometimes I wonder if the people who run your television channel are mentally ill.

I wouldn't have been angry if you remade Grease or A Chorus Line or The Wiz or some other musical movie. See, the problem isn't the MUSICAL. By it's very nature, a musical cannot be made sacred, because it's always changing a bit in every stage production. The problem is the MOVIE.

When you mess with Rocky Horror Picture Show fans, you are messing with the same people who go whenever they can to watch the same movie on Saturdays at midnight, people who memorize the timing of the movie so that they can perform it or shout at the screen and throw toilet paper at the right time. Some of them spend vast amounts money and time trying to get this movie shown at their local theater so they can perform in front of it. They get exact costume and prop replicas and go to conventions based around THIS ONE MOVIE. These are the same people you are about to piss off.

The image of Dr. Frank, the lips, the Time Warp, these things are iconic. Why do you want to change them for a new generation? Can't you just leave things the same? Why do you want to slap a "new and improved" sticker on EVERYTHING??

If you MUST release this stupid remake, please promise me you won't recast the roles with pop stars. Possibly actors, or even people who have previously appeared in the musical. Don't put a "cool, fresh spin" on any of the songs. PLEASE. PLEASE!!!!

Also, don't add new songs. You are horrible people if you add songs. You know what? You're just horrible people. Period.