Oh my good GOD.

Hell has frozen over. Hollywood has instructed Angelina Jolie to gain 28 pounds. Why, you say?


These are her hands. Are you effing kidding me? Believe me, because I know this kind of skinny. I've chased this kind of skinny. If you are that skinny, you are not eating enough and will be lucky to be able to stand up or remember ANYTHING, much less the kind of dialogue that she has to learn. I find it interesting that they gave her a bottom line. Not "We want you to be healthy", not "We're worried about you", but plain and simple: Gain 28 pounds.

This is further evidence that Hollywood does not give a crap if you can act for the most part, they just want you to be attractive to men so that you will sell tickets to that big and inevitable nude scene.

It absolutely makes me sick.

Courtesy at the gym

As a self proclaimed gym rat, the gym is like my second home. I try to be as polite as possible at the gym, and hope others would do the same. Here are some tips for not annoying the heck out of people at the gym. And by "people", I mean me.

• Whenever possible, leave a 1 machine buffer. This doesn't really apply in the weights area, but in the cardio area this is a must. If the gym is crowded, I understand you working out on the machine next to me, but when the gym is empty and I don't know you, it's sort of awkward to have you right there next to me. When I'm doing cardio I sweat and flap my arms around, and I don't want to have to be worried about sweating or flapping right next to you. It's uncomfortable.
• Don't exaggerate your grunting in the weights area. Look, I know that sometimes you are lifting really heavy weights, and it helps to grunt just a little bit. Heck, even I make a little sound when I'm trying to push it. But there is a difference between appropriate and creepy. You other gym rats know what I'm talking about. There's always that one guy over there who looks and sounds like someone just stabbed him in the chest, screaming his lungs out. If you sound like that, you should move the peg down to a lower weight. I'm concerned for you when you scream like that.
• Wear a f***ing shirt and pants. I know you work hard. You look great. That's really what I think. But I don't know you, and I'm not going to come up to you and complement you regardless of what you wear. So lets put a shirt over our sports bra, and lets wear pants that cover all the parts of our booty. Seriously. It's not necessary for you to come into the gym with almost nothing on.
  

• Don't flirt with women half your age. You are the only person in the gym who's flirting, that's one thing. But just because you have muscles, that doesn't give you the liscence to flirt with teenagers. That's a separate issue that also goes outside the gym. The fact that they flirt back doesn't matter. You are a creepy man, and I want to mace you in the face.

So that's it. I hope that you benefitted from my helpful tips on how not to annoy me.

What's YOUR favorite yoga pose?

The folks at Gaiam have put together a little article about what your favorite yoga pose says about you! Here's mine:

Forward bends
Sitting or standing, a love of folding forward indicates that you are introspective and not afraid to let yourself get quiet so you can hear you own thoughts. Forward bending is also associated with looking to the past—be sure you don’t spend so much time folding forward that you forget to be open to the present or anticipate the future.

What's yours? (via FitSugar)

Loving Your Body

I found this little "fill in the blank" paragraph on the blog "Margarita Shapes Up" and I thought I'd show you MY answers.



If I woke up one morning suddenly adoring my body, the first thing I'd do is look at myself in the mirror and be proud . I'd allow myself to eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups when I felt like it because I'd know that moderation, not deprivation or overindulgence, is the healthiest way to go. I'd exercise to have fun and keep my body healthy, (rather than lose five more pounds, or to work off last night's dessert, or this morning's binge), so I'd stop shoulder pressing and go rock climbing instead. I'd finally be fearless enough to wear a bikini, and I wouldn't feel self-conscious or bad about it, and anyone who would look down on me is just a d-bag anyway. When I get home, a romp between the sheets would be (none of your business!!) because I wouldn't be bashful about ripping off my clothes. Hell, I bet it would be better than that scene in (not participating in this sentence! *blush*). Afterwards, I'd burn all of my GIGANTIC PAJAMAS and wear a pencil skirt and sexy shoes to go dancing somewhere. I'd go to Johnny Depp's house without even looking in the mirror! I'd even go to the grocery store without a shred of self-consciousness. Or I'd go out to a party and spend more time dancing and flirting than obsessing about the party food or clinging to the wall feeling insecure. In fact, if I focused more on my body's_awe-inspiring ability to lose 80 pounds rather than on how I look, I'd probably start calling myself Wonder Woman. Plus, with all the money I'd save not buying Wii Fit, I'd have extra cash to put toward a new Nintendo DS. One thing is for sure: I wouldn't give a hoot if my booty started to sag, because I would be too busy toasting my ability to run 4 miles!

This is actually a powerful exercise for women who need to remember how lovely they are. I'd reccomend it.

My thoughts on the casual future of Nintendo

This year's E3 Nintendo conference was disappointing for some, embarrassing for others. I never want to hear a story about a ski trip again, that's for sure. It will only remind me of the sadness. Gamers are concerned about Nintendo's new and seemingly casual future. We forget that before our Grand Theft Auto and Halo driven gaming community got started, the industry did rely on the same ethic that Nintendo is pushing - family gaming.

When I was a little girl, I have no fonder memories than the ones of my father and I playing Duck Hunt and Super Mario Brothers. I was a little young to get into the game play, But for years to come, I would come into the kitchen to get a drink of water at 2 or 3 AM, and I would see my father in the adjacent living room, trying to beat Metroid or Zelda. When he did beat it, regardless of what time it was, he would always call me in to see the end sequence. Those are my first gaming memories. But time changed things, and the nature of gaming became more precise, with bigger button sets and more things to do. As I grew into this new 3 dimensional gaming world, gaming stopped being such a huge source of bonding for me and my Dad.

Years later, Wii Sports brought my Dad back into my game, and a new player - my Mom - who had never been bitten by the gaming bug before, but now asks me often why I haven't bought Mario Kart Wii yet.

I love our hardcore gaming community, and what it means for the standards that new games are held to. For anyone who played games like Bioshock and GTA IV, it is easy to see that the industry is anything but casual. As far as Nintendo is concerned, I don't really see what the problem is. We've had some great titles from Nintendo including a new Zelda, Mario, and Metroid. These are titles that gamers beg for.

Casual titles are big business for Nintendo. Children already want the Wii. It doesn't hurt that mom wants to excersize on it too. Nintendo is the cause of a lot of great gaming memories for all of us, and they are only trying to secure those memories for our children with these casual titles. What they've forgotten is that they already had us convinced.

What the HELL happened to Ben Stein??

You know, I used to think that Ben Stein was really interesting and cool. He has a weird voice, he seems to know a lot, and he enjoys wearing Airwalks sneakers with a suit (Okay, so I basically just know him from "Win Ben Stein's Money" and that one scene in "Ferris Buller's Day Off"). I knew before that he was conservative, but not CRAZY conservative like I know now. Hearing him talk about this "Expelled" movie of his was one thing. I can understand that point of view without agreeing with it.

However, I read something today (via Digg ) that just lead to a general falling out with Mr. Stein all together. On Glenn Beck's show (July 23rd) Ben Stein compared Barack Obama to HITLER while discussing Obama's decision to accept the nomination in a sports stadium with 75,000 people. Glenn Beck, of course, jumped on board after that, comparing Obama to Musselini.

Now I know that he doesn't know as much as I thought. I'm sure Ben Stein had a plethora of choices for points to make against Barack Obama and his platform, but instead he tries to imply that Obama is making this particular move because of his ego?

Regardless of what I think of Obama, this move was something I thought was kind of cool. It's not about the mindless cheers or the photo ops. It is all a symbol. This could very well be the first African American president, and a lot of people want to be a part of this historical event. Also, from the moment I read the announcement, I thought this would be a powerful symbol of an effort to bring government out from behind closed doors. In the Glenn Beck clip, Stein says, "That is not the way we do things in political parties in the United States of America." Why not?? It'll be exciting and, God forbid, memorable. I know it's a little gaudy, but hey, it sounds fun to me.

Ben Stein, aren't there some Clear Eyes commercials that need some narrating? I liked you so much, and then you got all heavy on me, man.

Triumph of human nature mixed with sweet gorditas...

The other day I was having my daily Digg fix, and I came across this article. The jist of it is that an elderly man went to the same Taco Bell every day for lunch for several years and developed a relationship with the staff. Then he got Alzheimers and had to move into a home. So the folks at this adorable, bizarro world Taco Bell decided to go to the retirement home and serve him and the other people living there. They also named him "customer of the year".

I know I'm a sap, but that really touched my little heart. This world has become so fast and frantic that sometimes it's hard to believe that anyone ever takes notice of a stranger and understands their situation enough to acknowledge it. Thank you, Taco Bell! You've renewed my faith in the human race, and in the 99 cent menu item.

How to have a drink without screwing up your diet

As a diet and fitness junkie, I am a bit of a calorie snob. Alcohol is one of the worst ways to rack up excess calories. It is also delicious. Over my few years of dealing with both dieting and drinking, I have found a few things that helped me be able to drink alcohol AND lose weight. Here are my tips:

• Beer is the least calorie dense alcohol you can have. A light beer typically has between 100 and 150 calories in a 12 ounce serving. Most domestic beer makers now produce smaller cans of their products, so that you can have a taste of your favorite beverage without overdoing it. The Miller Light 8 ounce can has only 64 calories in it.
• If you do have a mixed drink, remember to watch the portion of alcohol. Most liquors have about the same amount of calories - 90 to 100 a shot. It is also VERY important to remember what you mix it with. Avoid juice, syrups of any kind, regular soda and (for God's sake) ice cream or cream. Any diet soda is great in a mixer.
• Never EVER drink to get drunk. Not only will you be slamming glass after calorie-laden glass of alcohol, but drunkenness can also open the door to overdoing it with food. You won't be fully aware of stuffing your face, but the deed will already be done.
• Lastly, it's worth mentioning that it would be better if you consumed no more than one serving of alcohol per day...Possibly less than that. Alcohol does have antioxidants that can help you be heart healthy, but too much is decidedly bad for you.
  

Why so exaggerated?

Warning: I do not claim to be a full blown comic book enthusiast, just a movie geek and general fan of comic books. Please don't be mean to me. I am too adorable to be harmed.
So I saw "The Dark Knight" yesterday. I didn't write about it yesterday, because the movie lasts almost THREE HOURS, and I didn't really feel like much more Batman.

I was in Austin when the movie premiered, and I told Kyle that we had to go see it. Of course, we didn't. So I went to see it yesterday. By myself, because I had heard such great things about the movie that I didn't want to be interrupted in my sacred viewing.

I loved it. LOVED IT!! It was dark and fun, filled with action, and all the actors are spot on. The Nolan Batman series is a much better ride than the Burton series. It's more realistic and just plain gorgeous. There were a few things that caused the movie not to live up to my expectations...

All this ass kissing. Don't get me wrong. The movie was a great comic book movie and a great action movie, but come on!

For example, before I saw the movie, I read the stories on how Heath Ledger should win an Oscar for his portrayal of the Joker. Seriously?? I'm as sorry as anyone that the guy is dead, and his portrayal of the Joker was certainly more than adequate. Possibly the best ever. But an Oscar? No.

I was really excited to see Harvey Dent in the movie, but I thought that the ugly half of Two Face was a tad bit overdone to be in a movie series that has been so modern and realistic.
I mean, is that necessary? And how would he even live like that, with his eye all hanging out? Just a thought.

My basic conclusion is that it was incredible and I loved it, but I'm not as enthusiastic about it as it seems everyone else is. Calm down, people. It was a great Summer movie and a great Batman movie. We'll get another one.

Why Fable 2 is going to be really really good.

I loved Fable. It was intriguing, it was silly, and it indulged both my need to be good and evil in the same game. The customization was right up my alley too. Ever since I heard about Fable 2, I've been overly excited. I know the game will never be as good as I want it to be, but here are some reasons that it's worthwhile:

-Stephen Fry, a British comedy actor who appeared on "Blackadder" and "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" to name a few, will be lending his vocal talents to this game.

-New spells! Including one called "raise dead". Please zombies, please zombies, please zombies...

-DOGGY!!!! My cute-o-meter just exploded.

-A more in depth measure of moral character to determine levels of good and evil.

Sounds good, let's play!

Are they Mario Mario and Luigi Mario?

Even Bill O'Riley likes Nintendo.
(via Digg)

Painfully Delicious

Subway introduces their new 12" Cold CUT Sub. With extra emphasis on the word cut, because there is a KNIFE BAKED INTO IT.

I think that the funniest part of this story is that the poor guy who recieved the sandwich works at a magazine called "Homo Xtra". That's gotta be the gayest magazine ever!

The Emperor's New Clothes

Looks like Emily is smarter than about half of America. President Bush is scary. RUN!

I Miss Austin! (Part 2, Electric Boogaloo)

Sorry to have skipped a day. I'm also lazy.

Anyhow, after 6th Street we had to go back to the hotel and get ready. I took this wicked picture of the state capitol on the way back:

So after that, we went to see Video Games Live in Austin. There were a lot of cool people in costume. Here are some of my favorites:
Mini Mario, Peach, and Luigi! Mini Daisy must've had the day off.

This young lady, a shadow creature from Kingdom Hearts, WON the costume contest. She made that herself. WOW. I wish I had that kind of skill.
This was fairly simple, but still one of my favorites. I'd be happier, but I know that the cake is a lie.

So this is the way the stage for Video Games Live looked:
For those of you who don't know, Video Games Live is a show in which an orchestra plays video game music. It is hosted by...
Tommy Tallarico. You may remember him from his now gone G4 show called "The Electric Playground", but he also composed music for the Earthworm Jim series, Prince of Persia, and Advent Rising.

We were also able to see this kid:
You may remember him as the guy who can play Mario themes on the piano blindfolded.

One of the best parts of the concert for me, was when a girl who won a local Guitar Hero contest was asked to come on stage and play a song from GT: Aerosmith with the orchestra (and Tallarico who is a great guitar player). She won a computer.
Don't get too excited, it was a Dell.

Here's a picture of me outside the venue:
We went back to Sixth Street after that, because we hadn't done enough damage to our livers the night before. That reminds me, they have a pretty good selection of restaurants on Sixth Street. It's not just for college parties.

The next day we went to chase down the last of the thrift shops. Here I am in front of a quaint little one:
In this area, you can find a number of interesting outfits, like true vintage pieces to die for. There was also the Twister dress:
I couldn't bring myself to buy it. Where the hell would I wear it?

Vintage shops seem to represent many of the things I like about Austin. There's all sorts of random stuff to be found. Like this:
Here's a picture from a vintage store where we found a friend:
Kyle found this great store he wanted to go to called Atomic City. It was a rock n' roll/toy store that had a lot of Godzilla stuff that Kyle seemed interested in. The front had Astro Boy on it. Here Kyle is in front of it:

So then, sadly, we had to go back home. Here's a picture from the ride back to leave you with.
Mahalo.

I Miss Austin! (Part 1)

Well everyone, I am back from Austin. I brought back loads of pictures, so I thought maybe you'd like to see them. If you don't...Well, just see them anyway. I wish I knew how to do one of those "more after the break" thingys, but I don't.

Kyle and I drove in some sort of hatchback car. From where we live to Austin, there is a lot of this...

You pass through Waco on the way there, but it's mostly just farm areas. Other notable landmarks are the "Turkey Shop" (which I guess sells turkey) and a chain of chicken restaurants called "Bush's Chicken". Get it?? Get it?? Bush is chicken!! LOLZ!
Coming into town is just incredible. It's a real city!! Huzzah!! We got there right around sunset, and at that time you can see the bats fly out from under the Congress Bridge. That's one of the things we did that first evening. Basically, the bats that live under that bridge fly out from under it after the sun goes down. It's an amazing thing to see. Many of them just flutter around in the general area of the bridge for a time. It is very difficult to take a picture of the actual bats, but here's one that I took of their ascent:

After that we went to Sixth Street for some drinking and such. We also checked out this place on South Congress called "The Continental Club". It's a 50's themed rock club with live bands.
The bands are not quite 50's themed, but still great. The night we went was "Paint By Numbers" night, and we caught a Pixies cover band.

The next day we woke up to the most blatantly Texan breakfast I have ever seen in my life at the hotel:
Oh my GOD how tacky. They were delicious, though.
We went back to South Congress to check out some of the shops we had seen there the night before. One of the places we discovered is possibly the best place ever. It's called Toy Joy.

Here's me at Toy Joy. Don't I look joyful? It's because Toy Joy is a toy store for children AND adults. I believe that we read that they don't close until midnight on most nights. Here are some more pictures of Toy Joy:
Woo hoo! The colors!!
After some shopping and whatnot on SoCo, we went to Sixth Street for lunch. Here's a picture of my friend Kyle:
He's very happy because we're about to have margaritas and Mexican food. While we were in the restaurant, we witnessed...

OH GOD! Segway gang!!!! Run!! What's so sad is that they all have helmets on. You would have to be retarded to fall off of one of those things.
Also on Sixth Street, there was this place called something like the Museum of the Weird (I don't remember) which was right up my alley. Here I am next to a dead bat:
Look how happy I am. Finally in my element.

Well then. Seeing as it's almost midnight and I am old and tired, I will post pictures of the other part of the trip tomorrow.

Helping to Keep Austin Weird!

Well, everyone, I am officially headed for Austin, TX tomorrow. While I can't say that I am particularly smitten with the great state of Texas, I will say that Austin is the best part of it in my personal experience. Every time I visit, I feel like there are "my kind of folks" there. Hopefully I'll have more to say when I get back.

We're not that dumb, Burger King.

As of late, I have been on a LARGE health kick, and it's paid off. I've lost some weight, and some pant sizes. I count calories to control my food intake, so I'm always on the lookout to find some new food item I can have at a fast food restaurant that won't screw up my entire day's food budget.

Imagine, however, that I were the majority of American children and "health-conscious" adults, and I saw a commercial for these:

They're called "Fresh Apple Fries". The only thing is that they're not fried, they have no dipping sauce, and they're JUST APPLES cut to look like fries. The sales pitch for these things is that children will love them because they look like the delicious french fries they grew up on, and adults will like them because they want to lose weight.
The American people in general don't want these. They didn't sprinkle them with anything, there's nothing special about them, they don't come with dip of any kind, and you could stop at the local grocery store to get an apple. I'm not saying that this isn't good as a fry replacement, but let's not use the word "fry" too liberally. This is setting everyone up for disappointment.
What's next, broccoli cheesecake? Spinach Whopper? As long as you can make it the same shape, it's ok right? Liars.